Deep Dark Confessions, Part 1

Promise not to tell anyone, but I have a conscience. Shocking, I know, but alas I am the sad victim of a little voice in my head that tells me to do good. And wouldn't you know it, I think I picked the damn thing up from videogames.

It is rare to hear of videogames having a positive effective on a person"s life, but here I am before you (digitally speaking) proclaiming that it is true. Even though I have been a gamer since childhood I am not a violent, maladjusted psychopath or a complete slacker, but rather a successful, contributing member of society with a strong moral compass. More than anything else, I know my parents are the main reason I turned out as well as I did through their continual love and support, but I sincerely believe videogames helped to cement many of the lessons they taught me about how to act and treat other people. If I know of someone who could use my help with something, I feel compelled to do so. If I give less than 100% effort on a project, I feel guilty about it for days, even though that imperfect performance could still have been exemplary. If I have extra money left over from my paycheck (after bills and the requisite saving), I often donate it to charity or use it treat my friends. I CANNOT STOP BEING NICE, and I blame it on videogames.

My road to morality was cleverly disguised as simple entertainment: as a child I played many games where I assumed the role of a hero with the normal hero responsibilities, i.e. bringing peace to the land, rescuing the damsel, and generally being an all-around stand-up guy. These heroes exemplified the values I was being taught by my parents and the two forces worked in tandem to teach me important lessons about courage, integrity, and compassion. For instance, Final Fantasy 4 presents players with Cecil, a dark knight suffering from a guilty conscience after unknowingly killing innocents at the behest of his king. Despite the fact that what happened was not technically his fault, he still strives to make things right and, in doing so, overcomes his past crimes and becomes a paladin, a holy warrior. By the end of the game, I was left with a wonderful feeling of growth and learned about the power of people to overcome their past and help those around them.

Link from The Legend of Zelda series was another favorite hero of mine. Link is a silent hero; his thoughts are never revealed to the player nor does he speak with any of the other characters in the game. I have always loved playing these character; loquacious ones often spoil the immersive quality of a game through bad dialogue or silly speeches. Due to Link’s silence I easily found myself engrossed in the Zelda games I played, leading me to wonder why Link kept persevering through all the obstacles he felt. Eventually I came to the conclusion that Link knew that people were depending on him and the task before him was something only he could do. These feelings were instilled in me, and before I knew it I started to be more concerned about doing my part to help out others be someone whom others could depend on.

There you have it, the sad story of my descent into morality and kindness. At least I can be consoled by the fact that there was usually a reward associated with good deeds in gaming, so I can rationalize my good behavior by telling myself that I will eventually be rewarded for it. For example, in many games a character will be rewarded for his exemplary behavior with an item of considerable power, after all one tends not to entrust uncaring jerks with artifacts of arcane power capable of destroying enemies in a single blow. In the real world, however, I know that there are rarely such concrete rewards for doing good; more often than not the only thing a person stands to gain is the pleasant feeling that comes from helping another person. Over the years that has become enough for me to develop my own conscience, and a rather strong one at that.

Since I’m sounding like an after school special I’ll let the forces of sarcasm and bitterness in my psyche regroup before I attempt to write anymore. Next time I’ll be writing about the possible negative impacts of videogames, because if they can influence people in positive ways I certainly believe there can be a downside. Until then maybe I should see about getting my own Dateline special as a "good gamer.” Then I could finally pitch my idea to Stone Phillips for a buddy comedy starring him and myself as conjoined, zombie-hunting desperados in post-apocalypse Soho.

It’s fun to dream.